遗留在混沌中

似曾相识
一个熟悉的身影
映入眼帘

阳光般的笑意
抚着我的脸颊
我似乎——
就要叫出她的名字

爽朗带笑的声音
朝夕守着我

温温的混合物
从吸管流入空腹中
微甜、却乏味
千百次了
是功能，亦是无奈

叮当玲响
不知何时
前方多了几个身影

微笑
紧握着我的手
我茫然
不自知地
回以微笑

转瞬
心中浮起
一阵烦躁与不安

我认识你们吗？

眼前空白
眼后
也是空白
看不到
也不愿去想
因为一想
便是一阵刺痛

今后人生
是窄长的直路
没有回望

****************

曾经
我依偎着你
数着星星
远镜望断星河
那是你的至好

而今
夜空却占据了
你的心神
无法洞穿

那天早上
你在浴室倒下了

救护车、抢救、昏迷、插管

医生说：moyamoya
我听不懂

日子在烟雾中翻过

你没离开我
却把旧时的你
遗留在混沌中

你寻着
又迷失

你在找我吗？

我没找着你

一晃
八年过去

你的校友兄弟
从未缺席

你刚出院的那些日子
日常护理与复诊
大小事的决断
纷杂的安排
一件件压在我身上

他们在要紧处
替我筹谋分担
有人奔走
有人守着

人是奇特的生物
脆弱
又坚强
战争、饥饿、绝望
——日子还是要过

今日
你的兄弟来了六人
他们都说
我很爽朗坚强

是这样吗

欲说还休

—— 雨落了
带把伞 ——

c.h.e.f andy

注：

1

昨日与几位校友兄弟一同探望朋友。此友不幸于八年前（2017年8月）中风，当时送院急救，医生诊断为 moyamoya（烟雾病），大血管堵塞，血流分散至细小血管。

救治后无法自主呼吸，需进行气管切开，依赖呼吸与抽痰管维生；亦不能进食，只能通过饲管输入流食。至今仍无法自理，由妻子、家助日常护理；及医院与私人医生定期检查跟进。

出院后，日常大小事务多由妻子承担。我几位与他夫妇相熟多年的校友兄弟亦不间断协助一些琐事。转眼已八年有余。

这朋友目前生理尚可，可坐轮椅，不能行走与言语，呼吸与进食皆依赖管道，见面时没什么反应。有看EPL 足球赛，不知是否看懂。以前尚可断续写几个字，但无法持续，也缺乏动力。

2

诗结尾仿南宋辛弃疾《丑奴儿·书博山道中壁》中的表达手法——

“而今识尽愁滋味/欲说还休/欲说还休/却道天凉好个秋！”

就是欲说还休(无语了)，便只好“顾左右而言他”说“却道天凉好个秋！”

而诗中“是这样吗/欲说还休“ 也是以 “—— 雨落了 带把伞 ——”收场。

=========================

遗留在混沌中 Consciousness trapped in a haze

It feels familiar—
a face I once knew
comes into view

A smile like sunlight
brushes my cheek
I seem—
about to call her name

A voice bright with laughter
keeps watch over my days and nights

A lukewarm mixture
flows through a straw into an empty stomach
slightly sweet, yet dull
countless times already
functional, and quietly resigned

A faint bell rang
and, without knowing when
figures appeared ahead

Smiles
hands tightly holding mine
I, bewildered,
return a smile
without realizing it

In an instant
a wave of restlessness and unease
rises within

Do I know you?

before me, blank
behind me,
also blank
I cannot see
nor do I wish to think
for if I do
a sharp pain returns

From here on,
life is a narrow straight path
no turning back

******************

Once,
I leaned against you
counting the stars
through your telescope —
your favourite past time

But now
the night sky has taken hold
of your mind
impossible to pierce through

That morning,
you collapsed in the bathroom

Ambulance. Resuscitation. Coma. Intubation.

The doctor said: moyamoya
I did not understand

Days flipping past in a haze

You did not leave me
yet you left behind the old you
in the haze

You reach out
and lose your way again

Are you looking for me?

I cannot find you

In a blink
eight years have passed

Your schoolmates
were never absent

Those early days after discharge from the hospital
the daily care and follow-ups
big and small decisions
the logistics and chores
a crushing burden falling on me

At crucial moments
they helped me plan and share the burden
some ran errands
some watched over

Human beings are strange creatures
utterly fragile
and yet immensely strong
war, hunger, despair
and still, life goes on

Today
six of your schoolmates came
they all say
I am sunny and strong

Is that so?

I wish to speak, yet I hold back

—— The rain falls
take an umbrella ——

---

Note:

1

Yesterday, I went with several longtime schoolmates to visit a friend. This friend unfortunately suffered a stroke eight years ago (August 2017). He was sent to hospital for emergency treatment, where doctors diagnosed him with moyamoya disease, a condition in which major arteries are blocked, causing blood flow to be redistributed into smaller vessels.

After treatment, he was unable to breathe independently and required a tracheostomy, relying on a ventilator and suction tubes for airway maintenance. He also lost the ability to eat, receiving nutrition through a feeding tube. To this day, he remains unable to care for himself and is looked after daily by his wife, domestic helper, as well as periodic monitoring and follow-up from hospital staff and private doctors.

After discharge, most daily matters have been taken care of by his wife. Several RI bros, who have known the couple for many years, also continue to help with various small matters from time to time. Eight years have passed in the blink of an eye.

He is currently physically stable, able to sit in a wheelchair but unable to walk or speak. Breathing and feeding both depend on tubes, and he shows little response when visited. He watches English Premier League (EPL) football matches, though it is unclear whether he understands them. In the past, he was still able to write a few characters intermittently, but this was not sustained and likely became increasingly difficult, with little motivation.

---

2

The closing of the poem is modeled after the style in Southern Song dynasty poet Xin Qiji’s Chou Nuer · Book on the Wall at Boshan Road, especially the lines:

“Now I have tasted all sorrow’s flavors / I wish to speak, yet I hold back / I wish to speak, yet I hold back / I can only say: what a cool autumn day.”

This expressive technique depicts a situation where “I wish to speak, yet I hold back”—when words fail, one turns aside and ends with an unrelated remark, as in “what a cool autumn day.”

In the poem, the line “Is that so /I wish to speak, yet I hold back” similarly ends with unrelated remark:

“—— It is raining / bring an umbrella ——”

心中无岁月

匆匆谢了少年游，
恋春花，眷西楼。
诗酒载年华，
抚琴浅酌，吟诗泛轻舟，
去留随风。

回眸笑别壮年痴，
邯郸梦，黄鹤楼。
功名覆流年，
韶光过处，繁华化清烟，
一笑随缘。

而今静伴晚来风，
茶暖怀，雨听心。
心中无岁月，
眉间淡去，举步亦从容，
轻渡红尘。

c.h.e.f andy

诗意解读：

1
少年轻逸的时光与人生阶段的游历。“谢了”是对自然流逝的告别。
眷恋春花——青春的美好；眷恋西楼——登高远望之处，承载思念、回望与时光渐远的情绪。
以诗与酒承载、陪伴青春岁月。诗酒年华里，抚琴、酌酒、吟诗、泛舟，自由潇洒。
一切去留都如风一样自然，不执着，不强留——少年阶段的“无定与轻盈”。

2
回头看壮年时的执着与痴迷（功名、情感、执念），带着一笑告别。
两个典故叠用：

邯郸梦：人生功名如一梦（卢生黄粱梦）
黄鹤楼：仙去楼空，盛景不返

强调“繁华与追逐终归虚幻或不可留”。
人一生追逐功名，到头来耗尽了青春与岁月。美好时光流逝后，繁华如烟般散去。
最终的态度是释然：不再执着输赢，随缘而安。

3
如今在晚年时分，与晚风为伴——画面宁静，时间进入缓慢状态。
茶是温的，心是暖的；雨声如同倾听内心——外界与内在开始合一。
“心中无岁月”不是忘记时间，而是内心不再被时间束缚与驱动，进入一种安静、无执的状态。
意味着：不再焦虑“来不及”，不再怀念“已过去”，也不再期待“将来如何”。
眉间是最敏感、最容易泄露情绪的地方，当它“淡去”，意味着内心的波动已真正平息。
神情与步伐都自然变得平和安定。人世间仍行走其间，“轻轻地走过”。

=========================

Published on 24.4.2026

心中无岁月 Timeless Within the Heart

Wandering youth slips away all too soon,
cherishing spring blossoms, lingering by the western pavilion.
The years drift by in wine and verse;
zither in hand, sipping lightly, drifting on a small boat, lost in song,
letting the wind decide where I stay or go

Looking back, I smile at the passions of my prime—
the dream of Handan, the Yellow Crane Tower.
Fame and fortune are swept away by passing years;
youthful brilliance fades, splendor turns to pale smoke,
and with a smile, I let it all be.

Now I sit quietly with the evening wind,
tea warming my heart, rain listening to my soul.
Time no longer lingers in my heart;
my brows ease, my steps unhurried,
lightly crossing the mortal world.

Poetic Interpretation:

1

A light and carefree youth, a wandering passage through an early stage of life. “Said farewell” here is a gentle parting with the natural flow of time.

cherishing spring blossoms—the beauty of youth; lingering by the western pavilion—the place of ascending heights and distant gazing, harbouring thoughts of longing, remembrance, and the gradual fading of time.

Poetry and wine accompany and hold those youthful years. In the years of verse and drink, one plays the zither, sips wine, recites poetry, and drifts on a small boat—free and unrestrained.

All coming and going is as natural as the wind, without attachment, without holding back—an early stage of life marked by “changeability and lightness.”

2

Looking back with a smile at the years of maturity, filled with attachment and obsession (status, love, and desire).

Two classical allusions (literary references) are layered together:

The Handan Dream: worldly achievement is but a dream (the tale of Lü Sheng’s yellow millet dream)

The Yellow Crane Tower: the immortal has departed, the grand scene is no more.

These emphasize that “prosperity and pursuit ultimately dissolve into illusion – cannot be owned or kept.”

A lifetime spent chasing fame and success ends with the exhaustion of youth and years. After youthful brilliance fades, all splendor disperses like smoke.

The final realization is one of release: no longer clinging to gain or loss, but smile and let things unfold with acceptance.

3

Now in the later years of life, accompanied by the evening wind—the scene is tranquil, and time itself seems to slow.

Tea warms the heart; the sound of rain is like listening to the inner self—outer world and inner world begin to merge.

“Time no longer lingers in my heart” does not mean forgetting time, but rather that the mind is no longer bound or driven by it, entering a state of quiet non-attachment.

This means no longer anxious about “not enough time,” no longer nostalgic for “what has passed,” and no longer anticipating “what will come.”

The space between the brows—the most sensitive place that reveals emotion—gradually softens; as it fades, it signifies that inner fluctuations have truly settled.

Expression and footsteps alike become calm and steady. Still walking in the human world, yet doing so lightly, as if merely passing through.

一笑山河

拈指芳菲岁轻狂
锦绣展，志飞扬
弹剑长歌，醉卧笑山河
潇洒红尘千万里
曲未尽，天已老

击掌风云话古今
繁华间，意纵横
王侯将相，青史名过客
艳阳几度流年月
路未央，心从容

诗意解读：

1 少年轻狂时，认为青春、光阴与美好皆可拈于指间。人生舞台展开，志向随之上升与飞扬。轻弹佩剑，放声长歌，胸中豪情与山河共鸣，亦如笑看山河。在红尘人生中行走万里，跨越岁月与空间的界限。曲声仍在回响，余韵未尽——人生仍在继续，而时间已显衰意。

2 “击掌”，象征豪情、快意与同道相遇。“风云”，指时代变迁与历史中的英雄际会。以开阔胸襟谈笑间纵览古今风云。身处繁华之间，而心意仍可自由纵横。纵使功成名就，贵如王侯将相，青史留名，终究亦为历史过客。艳阳几度 — 盛世繁华终有其限，随时间流逝而去。人生道路未尽，而心境已趋从容。

c.h.e.f andy

=====================

published on 18.4.2026

一笑山河 A Smile Over Mountains and Rivers

With youth and bloom at my fingertips, I roamed in reckless years,
Splendor unfolds, my spirit soaring high.
I tap my sword and sing aloud—drunk, I lie and smile at the world.
Through the dust of mortal life, I wander ten thousand miles;
The song not yet ended—yet heaven has grown old.

With a clap, we speak of the winds of time—past and present;
Amid all splendor, my thoughts roam unbound.
Kings and lords alike—mere shadows in history’s scroll;
How many bright days have slipped through the years?
The road stretches on; the heart remains at ease.

Poetic Interpretation

1 In youth’s recklessness, one believes that youth, time, and all things of beauty can be held within one’s fingertips. The stage of life unfolds, and ambition rises and soars. With a light tap upon the sword, one sings aloud—heroic spirit resonating with mountains and rivers, as if smiling upon the world itself.

Traversing the mortal world, one journeys thousands of miles, crossing the boundaries of time and space. The song still echoes, its lingering resonance unended—life continues, yet time has already begun to show signs of decline.

2 “Clasped hands” symbolize bold spirit, shared joy, and encounters among like-minded souls. “Winds of time” refer to the shifting eras and the rise and fall of heroes within history.

With an open heart, one speaks and laughs while surveying the winds of past and present. Amid worldly splendor, the mind remains free to roam without constraint. Even when success is achieved and one rises to the status of kings and lords, leaving one’s name in history, all are ultimately mere passersby—shadows of history. The grandeur of prosperous times is finite, destined to fade with the passage of time. The journey of life remains unfinished, yet the heart has already attained calm and composure.

念•眠•梦

平寂
六千万念
刹时中断、平息

就这样没了
空了
恍若从未有过

念起
思潮奔涌
万马飞驰
壮志、柔情、算计与纷扰
日月轮回
没有一刻停歇

念息
千思万绪
骤然归寂
像深谷，没有回响
像大海，没有一丝波澜
像关了电闸
一切在那一刻停住

无垠的宇宙间
一颗小小的星球
亿万生灵

念起而作
念息而眠

念起念息
每天每夜
就这样轮流

念息时
躯体没有意识

念起时
是躯体领回了意识
还是
意识回到了躯体

而梦
可以塑造
醒时没有的人和事
也有自己的逻辑与叙事

庄周梦蝶
是另一个现实
还是
本就不属于现实

注笔：

1 前日朋友圈转来一段视频，说睡眠是每天发生的奇迹，如同每天经历一次死亡，而我们却不作他想，只当作身体的正常修复过程。每日入睡之时，意识似乎消失，而躯体仍在；醒来之时，意识又回到躯体之中。意识是否是一种可离可附的潜在存在？而梦中的意识，是否自成一个世界？

2 “庄周梦蝶”讲的是庄子梦见自己化为蝴蝶。然而，究竟是庄子梦见自己是蝴蝶，还是蝴蝶梦见自己是庄子？哪一个是梦，哪一个才是现实？

c.h.e.f andy

====================

published on 17.4.2026

念•眠•梦 Thought • Sleep • Dream

Stillness
Sixty million thoughts
cut off in an instant, falling quiet

Just like that, gone
emptied
as if they had never been

Thoughts arise
the mind surges
like ten thousand horses racing
ambition, tenderness, scheming and unrest
day flows through night
not a moment of rest

Thoughts cease
a thousand threads of consciousness
suddenly fall silent
like a deep valley, without echo
like the ocean, without a single ripple
like the power switched off
everything stops in that instant

In the boundless universe
on one small planet
countless living beings

act when thoughts arise
sleep when thoughts cease

Thoughts arise, thoughts cease
day after day, night after night
in endless cycle

When thoughts cease
the body has no awareness

When thoughts arise
does the body retrieve awareness
or
does awareness return to the body

And dreams
can create
people and events absent in waking life,
with their own logic and narrative.

Zhuang Zhou dreaming of a butterfly
is it another reality
or
not part of reality at all

Notes:

1. Recently, I came across a video shared on social media discussing sleep as a daily miracle, like experiencing death once every day. Yet we take it for granted, treating it simply as the body’s normal process of restoration. Each time we fall asleep, consciousness seems to disappear while the body remains; when we wake, consciousness returns to the body again. Is consciousness a latent existence that can detach from and return to the body? And does consciousness in dreams form its own world?
2. “Zhuang Zhou dreaming of a butterfly” tells of Zhuangzi dreaming that he became a butterfly. But was it Zhuangzi dreaming he was a butterfly, or a butterfly dreaming it was Zhuangzi? Which is the dream, and which is reality?

怀石料理

胸怀玉石自生温
禅修正果离饥寒
功行深处生茶道
怀石料理呈真味
食材厨艺尽精微
色香味形意相融

至味料理
精工烹饪
应时鲜材
菜色精雅
视味两绝
器皿摆艺
侘寂美学
被褐怀玉

入宿初安
浸泡温泉
松解劳尘
继而怀石
前菜时令
刺身清鲜
煮物蒸物
烧物扬物
醋物御饭渍物

季节为鲜
无常见美
大道至简

注笔：

1 怀石料理（Kaiseki Ryori）是日本顶级的高级料理，起源于茶道，强调时令食材、艺术性摆盘和精细烹饪。

• 起源与含义： 起源于茶道，最初是饮用浓茶前享用的简单餐食，旨在款待客人。其名“怀石”意为僧人怀抱热石以抵御饥饿，后寓意“被褐怀玉”，强调内在价值，与茶道精神相契合。
• 季节感： 极度讲究使用当季最新鲜的食材，通过食物展现四季的更替。
• 美学体现： 不仅菜品精致，连器皿的选用也极为讲究，被誉为“可食用的艺术”。
• 会席料理 (Kaiseki)：谐音相同，但会席料理更注重饮酒享乐，口味更浓郁，不如怀石料理讲究禅意和形式。

2 “被褐怀玉”源自《道德经》，意为表面粗糙破落（被褐），内心怀抱美玉（怀玉）。在怀石料理中，这一理念体现了“侘寂（Wabi-sabi）”精神：外表质朴、自然，内在精致、蕴含美味。

3 “侘寂（Wabi-sabi）美学”在怀石料理中体现为在短暂、不完美、自然与朴素中发现美。它通过呈现时令食材的本味、强调流动的季节感、“无常”与“不完美”的艺术感，营造一种禅意的用餐氛围。

c.h.e.f andy

===================

published on 9.4.2026

怀石料理 Kaiseki

Cradling warmth like stone against the breast,
Through Zen practice, one transcends hunger and cold.
At depth of discipline, the tea path emerges,
And kaiseki reveals its true taste.
Ingredients and craft refined to subtlety,
Where color, aroma, flavor, form, and spirit unite.

Cuisine of utmost essence,
Meticulous culinary craft,
Seasonal ingredients at their peak,
Dishes of quiet elegance,
Sight and taste in perfect harmony,
Vessels and plating as art,
The beauty of wabi-sabi,
Simplicity concealing inner worth.

Settled at the inn,
Soaking in the onsen,
Dust of travel gently released,
Then the kaiseki begins.
Appetizers of the season,
Sashimi, pristine,
Simmered and steamed courses,
Grilled and fried delicacies,
Vinegared dishes, gohan, and pickles.

Season defines the freshness,
In impermanence, beauty appears,
The great way lies in simplicity.

---

Notes

1. Kaiseki Cuisine (Kaiseki Ryori)
Kaiseki Ryori is Japan’s highest form of refined cuisine. Originating from the tea ceremony, it emphasizes seasonal ingredients, artistic presentation, and meticulous preparation.

Origin and Meaning:
Kaiseki originated within the tea ceremony as a simple meal served before drinking thick tea, intended to host guests with quiet sincerity. The term “kaiseki” (怀石) originally referred to Zen monks placing warm stones against the chest to stave off hunger. It later came to embody the idea of “wearing coarse cloth while holding jade within”—suggesting inner richness beneath outward simplicity, in harmony with the spirit of tea.

Seasonality:
Kaiseki places utmost importance on using the freshest ingredients of the season, expressing the passage of time through food and evoking the changing of the four seasons.

Aesthetic Expression:
Beyond the delicacy of the dishes themselves, great care is given to the selection of tableware. Kaiseki is often regarded as “edible art,” where cuisine and presentation form a unified aesthetic experience.

Kaiseki vs. Kappo/Kaiseiki (会席料理):
Though pronounced the same, kaiseki (怀石) differs from kaiseiki (会席料理). The latter is centered around dining with alcohol, featuring richer flavors and a more indulgent style, while kaiseki retains a stronger emphasis on Zen aesthetics and formal restraint.

---

2. “Wearing Coarse Cloth, Holding Jade Within” (被褐怀玉)
This phrase originates from the Tao Te Ching, meaning that one may appear plain or humble outwardly while possessing inner virtue and refinement.

In kaiseki, this principle aligns with the spirit of wabi-sabi: an outward simplicity that conceals inner depth, craftsmanship, and quiet beauty.

---

3. Wabi-Sabi Aesthetics (侘寂)
Wabi-sabi is expressed in kaiseki through an appreciation of transience, imperfection, and natural simplicity. Beauty is found in the fleeting and the incomplete.

By highlighting the inherent qualities of seasonal ingredients, emphasizing the flow of time, and embracing impermanence, kaiseki creates a dining experience imbued with a subtle, meditative, and Zen-like atmosphere.

光影流年

幼时
游戏红尘
潇洒流年
恣意西东
无拘无忌
长路未央
少年不老

昔日
志启鸿图
胸怀万象
纵横机变
运筹无歇
翱翔云端
意气如虹

此刻
夕阳西沉
风清云淡
余晖遥处
微光在心
水月流年
安然其间

注笔：

水月流年 — 岁月流逝，如水中月般虚幻，如镜花水月。

c.h.e.f andy

=========================

published on 31.3.2026

光影流年 Light and Shadows of Time

Childhood
Playful in the worldly dust,
Carefree years drifting by
Roam freely east and west,
Unbound and uninhibited
A long road unending
Forever young.

In days gone by，
Ambitions set, grand designs unfurl
Heart embracing myriad worlds
Navigating chance and strategy
Planning without pause
Soaring above the clouds
Spirit radiant as a rainbow.

Now
The sun setting in the west,
Wind clear, clouds lightly drifting
Sunset hues linger afar,
A faint glow lights the heart
Years flow like the moon in water,
At peace in this moment.

Note:

“Years flow like the moon in water” — the passage of time, fleeting and illusory like the moon reflected in water, ephemeral as a flower in a mirror.

施建恩 题名诗 Evan Sethi Naming Poem

施苑蒙恩福泽兴
建功立业以安邦
恩赐良才新秀立
志济世心向天国

Sethi household bathed in grace, and blessings bloom;
Journey in deeds and life’s work, bringing peace to the land.
Endowed with divine gifts, a worthy talent rises;
Zealous to serve the world, he strives towards the Kingdom of Heaven.

施建恩志
SJEZ

兴邦立国
Raise the nation, and secure the realm

c.h.e.f andy

侠骨•丹心•镜空：三境

十年一剑铭心志
春宵苦短已深秋
弱水三千君在侧
侠骨柔情终不离

十年一日秋夜寒
千山暮雪望君还
纵使老翼穿寒暑
丹心终作葬雁人

香尘飘零岁自流
生前身后无执求
但使心神映明镜
葬花守情两皆空

注笔：

诗中三段，写“铭志守情”“葬雁之悲”“镜空之悟”三景；亦为“守情（得）”“葬情（不得）”“无执（空）”三境——

1 “十年磨一剑”——是长期的磨砺与坚守；情以志坚。“春宵苦短” 是年轻、芳华、最美好的时光 —— 转眼已走到深秋。
“弱水三千，只取一瓢”是守情，是爱的坚贞；“君在侧”，是已经相伴相守。
“侠骨柔情”是有志、有担当，有爱、有守，终不离弃。

2 “十年一日秋夜寒”，是在漫长岁月里，夜复一夜，年复一年的熬过。
“千山”是不可跨越的距离；“暮雪”是时间已晚、人已渐老、希望将尽。“望君还”，是等待中的无望。“纵使老翼穿寒暑”，即便是年华已老，我仍在飞、仍在等， 仍在经历岁月轮回 —— 这是“执着”的最高点。

“葬雁人”：我终究只是那个等不到、只能埋葬爱情的人。这里引用了金词人元好问的《雁丘词》见证孤雁殉情，和葬雁的典故：
“问世间，情是何物，直教生死相许。”

“葬雁人”的本质是：见证至死之情，却无法参与其中的人；也是爱而不得、等不到，最终只能为这段情作结的人。

3 “香尘”是花谢之后，芳华、美好时光、情意与执着所残留的余韵；“岁自流”是岁月不等人，是自然的流转，一切美好终将归于流逝。“生前身后”，是完全放下 —— 在生之时，乃至身后，都不再执着得失。

“葬雁人”——承元好问的《雁丘词》对孤雁之专情与殉情，以第三者之身，生出惋惜与感同身受；
“葬花人”——见于曹雪芹的《红楼梦》中林黛玉借花自喻，对美之流逝的怜惜；
“守情”——即“弱水三千，只取一瓢饮”，对情的专一与执守。

无论是葬雁、葬花，还是守情，“两皆空”并非否定它们的价值，而是：它们再深、再真，也终究归于无常。

c.h.e.f andy

=====================

published on 19.3.2026

侠骨•丹心•镜空：三境 Chivalric Bone · Crimson Heart · Mirror-Emptiness: Three Realms

Ten years, one sword—my will etched deep within;
A fleeting spring night—already late autumn.
Of three thousand streams, I chose but one—you by my side;
With chivalric spirit and tender heart, I never depart.

Ten years as one day — through long autumn nights;
Across a thousand mountains, in twilight snow, I await your return.
Though these old wings have weathered summer and winter,
My crimson heart — I am the one who buries the geese.

Fragrant dust drifts as the years flow on;
In life and beyond—cling to nothing, seek nothing.
Let the spirit reflect a lucid mirror,
To bury flowers, to guard love—both, in the end, fade into emptiness.

Notes

The poem’s three stanzas present three scenes: the resolve to guard love, the sorrow of burying the geese, and the awakening into mirror-like emptiness; they also form three states: guarding love (having), laying love to rest (not having), and freedom from attachment (emptiness).

1 “Ten years to forge a single sword” signifies long discipline and steadfast endurance; love stands firm because the will is firm. Youth and its finest moments pass swiftly—already deep into autumn.

“Of the three thousand streams, I choose but one” speaks of singular devotion;
“you by my side” means love already fulfilled in companionship.

“Chivalric spirit and tender heart” refer to one who bears resolve and responsibility, yet also love and guardianship—thus never abandoning nor departing.

2 “Ten years as one day — through long autumn nights” portrays a life of waiting endured in solitude; “a thousand mountains in twilight snow” suggests insurmountable distance, the lateness of the hour, and hope nearly spent. “awaiting your return” expresses a waiting already touched by despair.

“Though these old wings have weathered summer and winter” — even as the years pass, I go on flying, go on waiting, enduring the cycles of time — the height of devotion.

“The one who buries the geese” — I am the one whose love goes unrequited, the one who can only lay it to rest.

This alludes to Jin Dynasty poet, lyricist元好问’s《雁丘词》which depicts the devotion and tragic end of a lone goose: Ask the world: what is love, that it compels devotion unto life and death?

Here, the “burier of geese” is one who witnesses love unto death, yet cannot partake in it — one whose loves go unrequited, who waits in vain, and in the end becomes the one who buries that love.

3 “Fragrant dust” is the lingering trace of beauty, youth, and affection; “the years flow on” reminds that time waits for no one.

“In life and beyond” means that throughout one’s whole existence, and even after, there is no attachment to gain or loss.

“The burier of geese” continues the allusion to Jing dynasty poet 元好问, bearing witness to love as an bystander;

“The one who buries the flowers”—from Dream of the Red Chamber by Cao Xueqin, where Lin Daiyu, likening herself to fallen blossoms, laments the transience of beauty;

“guarding love”— echoing “of the three thousand streams, I choose but one,” denotes fidelity and unwavering devotion.

Whether burying geese, burying flowers, or guarding love— “both are empty” does not deny their truth or depth. Rather, it is through feeling and then seeing through: Even love at its deepest ultimately returns to impermanence.

老人不让进

芳华流逝
容颜褪去
身骨渐衰
青丝暮雪
脸颊斑纹
眉眼沧桑

风云本无常
岁月纵不饶
却主宰不了
内心的自己

——老人不让进

老衰固顺道
心境在我身
胸中火犹燃
激情仍奔流
但听心之声

老人不让进
不给他钥匙——

赤子初心
好奇寻觅
惊喜满足
逍遥自在

旭日曙光
绿荫蓝天
鸟语花香
家常怡心
系旧友 赋新词
瞬悟永恒

指针滴答
光阴敲门
心灯未央
一曲未终

—— 老人不让进

注笔：

前日在朋友圈看到一段视频歌曲——《老人不让进》。歌词意味，与我此刻的年岁心境颇为契合，读来深有共鸣。兴之所至，便以此题材写下一首小诗。

c.h.e.f andy

=======================

published on 15.3.2026

老人不让进 Don’t Let the Old Man in

Youth fades
Appearance wanes
Bones grow frail
Hair silvered by twilight
Cheeks bear their marks
Eyes and brows tell tales of time

Fortune rises and falls
Years spare no one
But they don’t get to decide
who’s inside of you

— Don’t let the old man in!

Aging is nature’s way
My mind remains my own
The fire still burns within
Passion flows on
Listen to the heart

Don’t let the old man in! —
Don’t hand him the keys

With childlike heart
and curious eyes I seek
Joyful surprises and fulfilment
Unfettered freedom

Sun’s first light
Greenery and blue skies
Birds sing, blossoms scent the air
Simple pleasures of daily life
Reconnecting old friends, crafting new verses
Eternity glimpsed in a single moment

The clock tick-tocks
Time knocks at the door
The heart-lamp burns on
A melody yet unfinished

—Don’t let the old man in!

Notes:

The other day, I came across a video song on social media — “Don’t Let the Old Man In.” The lyrics resonates deeply with my present stage of life and state of mind. Inspired, I wrote this short poem on the same theme.

人间不息

鸿鹄春水
壮志流云
红尘繁花
须臾流光
飞鸿片影
无复西东
生前侃侃
身后寂寂

旭阳窥探
叶影浮光
雏鸟离巢
花枝含苞
雁翔千里
向暖归巢
夕阳几度
寒来暑往

清晓曙光
长河开坝
千年烽火
淬成涅槃
神州崛起
山河在望
芳菲筑梦
大道重光

注笔：

1 诗中写的是：人生短暂，自然循环，文明重光。鸿鹄壮志，如春花绽放、繁盛；又随着春水、流云自然流逝。红尘繁花万象，亦是瞬间的流光。而从旭阳初升到寒来暑往，亦是日夜四季循环规律。千年的烽火，淬炼出涅槃重生。新中国崛起，新一代的努力筑梦，带来文明重光。

2 借用了宋代词人兼大将辛弃疾的 “了却君王天下事，赢得生前身后名”，写出无执功名，侃侃从容，万象归寂。

3 借用北宋诗人苏轼“应以飞鸿踏雪泥/鸿飞哪复计东西”——事过云烟，无求无执。

c.h.e.f Andy

=======================

published on 3.3.2026

人间不息 The Unceasing Cycle of Human Life

Lofty ambition rises with spring,
as flowing waters run their course;
as clouds drift,
and the ten thousand things of the world
pass like fleeting light.

A wild goose passing — a fleeting trace.
Beyond east and west.
Eloquent in life,
Silent in death.

The morning sun peers forth,
Leaves and shadows shimmer,
Fledglings leave the nest,
Branches cradle tender buds.

Wild geese wing a thousand miles,
toward warmth and home.
How many sunsets
as summers and winters pass?

Dawn breaks clear,
The long river bursts forth.
A thousand years of beacon fires,
forged a rebirth.

The divine land rises,
Mountains and rivers stretch before us.
Building dreams in the fragrant spring of youth,
The great path of civilisation shines anew.

Notes:

1. Themes and Imagery
   The poem depicts the brevity of human life, the cycles of nature, and the renewal of civilization.

• The great bird’s lofty ambition is like spring blossoms — vibrant and flourishing — yet, like spring waters and drifting clouds, it naturally fades.
• The myriad worldly phenomena (红尘繁花万象) are fleeting, passing like ephemeral light.
• From the rising morning sun to the passing of summers and winters, the poem traces the regular cycles of day and season.
• A thousand years of beacon fires have tempered a rebirth, symbolizing how long struggles and trials culminate in renewal.
• The rise of the new China and the efforts of the new generation are portrayed as building dreams in youth’s fragrant spring, bringing about the renewal and flourishing of civilization.

2. Literary Allusions — Life and Reputation
   The lines “Eloquent in life, Silent in death” draw inspiration from the Song dynasty poet-general Xin Qiji (1140–1207):

“To settle the emperor’s realm, earning fame both in life and after death.”
differently here, the author conveys a sense of detachment from fame and personal gain, living life freely and with composure, while all things ultimately return to quietude.

3. Literary Allusions — Transience of Actions
   The poem also borrows the imagery of the Northern Song poet Su Shi (1037–1101):

“Life everywhere — what is it like? It should be like a wild goose stepping on snow-covered mud; traces are left only by chance, but the bird, once flown, no longer calculates east or west.”
This evokes the notion that events pass like clouds, leaving no attachments, emphasizing impermanence and letting go.

初次见面

初次见面
心里盈溢着
温热的喜悦

你微小的身躯
平静安详地起伏
皮肤白里透红
粉腮轻弹

包巾紧紧裹着
眠香的梦
起步新生

你拉着我——
步入憧憬
一同筑梦

骤然一股清香
流入体内
我张口
哇啊——哇啊——
给世界宣示
我的到来

啊——多鲜甜的气息；
涌动着
生命的脉搏
蜷曲的身子
从那安全温暖的潮湿
舒展开来

离开了湿暗的归宿 
我眯一眯眼—— 
窥视那耀眼声嚷的世界 

温柔的微笑 
把我轻轻托起 

我抿了抿嘴唇 
暖暖的甘露 
便滑入腹中

妈妈疲惫的面容
掩不下
内心的激荡
藏不住
家人的欢声笑语
为我庆生

c.h.e.f andy

注笔：

2026 二月六日，等来了小孙子施建恩。

=======================

published on 11.2.2026

初次见面 Seeing you for the first time

Seeing you for the first time
my heart brimmed
with a warm, glowing joy

Your tiny body
gently rising and falling with each breath
calm and serene
skin fair with a rosy glow
soft cheeks quivering

Swaddled tightly
in sweet slumber
you set forth into new life

You pull me along—
into a world of longing
together we build dreams

…

Suddenly, a breath of fresh air
flows into my being
I open my mouth
waa—waa—
announcing to the world
my arrival

Ah—such fresh sweetness;
surging
with the pulse of life
my curled body
unfurls from that safe, warm, moist haven
and stretches

Leaving that dim, damp sanctuary
I squint my eyes—
glimpsing the dazzling, clamorous world

A gentle smile
lifts me softly

I purse my lips—
the warm nectar of mother’s milk
slides down into my belly

Mother’s weary face
cannot conceal
the stirring within her heart
cannot hide
the family’s laughter and delight
celebrating my birth

Note:

Arrival of youngest grandson Evan Sethi on 6.2.2026

壮志付流年 • 散文篇

《旭阳东升凌云驹，
壮志付流年。
青天万里意纵横，
晓光抚山川。
艳日过时，几度堪回首。
余晖西沉，新生又一朝。》

我们的人生，如旭日东升；似神驹奔腾，天马行空，携凌云之势一路向前。无声无息间，便将满怀青春与壮志交付给岁月——不喧哗，不抱怨，也不后悔，只把热情与执着，默默奉献给时光的长河。

万里晴空辽阔无边，胸中志意奔涌不息。神驹在天地间纵横驰骋，仿佛胸中自有万里青天。壮志在胸，却不失仁者之怀：清晨初起的新光，温柔抚过山川大地，如同轻轻拥抱这世界，让锋芒之中亦藏温润。

再艳丽的鼎盛终会过去。几度回首，只见往昔辉煌如潮水退去，徒留心中一抹余亮。

余晖与余温终将燃尽，旧的一轮生命随光沉落；而世界仍在更新——新生，朝复一朝。那是涅槃再起，是轮回与更迭，也是人生从不止息的前行。

《漂泊四洲铭山河，
鸿鹄经岁月。
沧海千辛一舟渡，
初心照古今。
尘缘了时，从容拂袖去。
十方繁花，执念终归寂。》

虽是漂泊四洲——跨越世界、漂流四方；仍心怀祖国山河。不单是“看过”“走过”，而是铭记、惦记在心里。“四洲”亦带佛教宇宙观，暗与后句“十方”相呼应。漂泊不是流浪，而是经历 —— 以山河为碑，以人生为铭。

鸿鹄之志，高飞远举的理想与格局，在岁月里穿行、在时光中经历。岁月虽老去，人却未必折其志。此句亦与“壮志付流年”成对照：一为壮志付时光，一为鸿鹄经岁月。志仍在，路仍长。

世途如沧海，深广无边，千回百折，一舟独渡。这便是人生的孤独：许多路，只能自己走；许多劫，只能自己渡。

初心，是最初的信念、最纯粹的愿望、最本真的自己。它不只照亮眼前，更跨越时间尺度，像一盏灯——照自己，也照世界；照今人，也照古人。

尘缘，是世间的牵绊：情缘、名利、执着。缘尽时、悟透时，便从容拂袖去——不是离开世界，而是离开执着；不是冷漠无情，而是看透不困。

十方，是佛教语汇，指宇宙无尽处；繁花，是极盛之相、万象之美。执念终归寂：再盛的美，也只是过程；终究归于寂静，归于空。

c.h.e.f andy

=======================

published 4.2.2026

壮志付流年 • 散文篇 Aspirations Entrusted to Passing Years · Prose Essay

“The sun rises in the east — a divine steed galloping atop the clouds;
aspirations entrusted to the passing years.
Under ten thousand miles of blue sky, the will rides free;
morning light caresses mountains and rivers.
Even the most splendid blaze must pass— how many times can one look back?
Afterglow sinks in the west, yet the world keeps renewing itself —reborn, dawn after dawn.”

Our lives are like the sunrise—rising in brilliance, like a divine steed galloping forward, unrestrained as a heavenly horse, carrying the force of ambition as it charges ahead. And before we even notice, we have already placed our youth and our aspirations into the hands of time. Not with clamour, not with complaint, and not with regret—only offering our passion and persistence, silently, to the long river of passing years.

The boundless sky stretches for ten thousand miles; within the heart, ambitions surge without end. The steed of the spirit traverses heaven and earth, in one’s chest harbours a vast tenderness for the whole universe. Ambition fills the heart, yet the spirit remains humane: the newborn light of morning gently caresses mountains, rivers and plains, like a tender embrace of the world—so that even in brilliance, gentleness remains.

Even the most splendid blaze must pass. Time and again we turn back, only to see yesterday’s glory recede like a tide, leaving in the heart a faint trace of light.

The afterglow and its lingering warmth will, in time, burn out; an old cycle of life sinks with the fading light. Yet the world continues to renew itself—reborn, dawn after dawn. This is nirvana rising again: the turning of cycles, the shifting of seasons, and the onward motion of life that never truly stops.

“Though wandering the four continents, I engrave the mountains and rivers of my homeland in my heart.
a great roc’s ambition journeying through the years.
Across bitter seas, a lone boat sails through a thousand hardships;
my first resolve shines — through past and present.
When worldly ties are done, I brush my sleeves and leave with ease;
ten directions in full splendour—yet in time, all attachment return to stillness.”

Though we wander the four continents—crossing the world, drifting in all directions—we still carry mountains and rivers of our homeland in our hearts. This is not merely to have “seen” or “passed through,” but to remember, to carve it into one’s being. “Four continents” also bears a Buddhist cosmology, quietly echoing the “ten directions” that follows. Such wandering is not vagrancy: it is a journey — with the landscape as a monument, and life itself as an inscription.

The roc’s ambition—high, far-reaching, and vast in scope—moves through the years, enduring time’s long passage. Time may age the body, yet it does not necessarily break the will. Here, too, it forms a counterpoint to “aspirations entrusted to the passing years”: one verse entrusts ambition to time, while in the other verse, “the roc travels through time”. The aspiration remains; the road remains long.

The world’s journey is like the sea—deep, broad, and endless. Braving countless turns and trials, one crosses it in a single boat. This is the solitude of life: many roads can only be walked alone; many ordeals can only be endured alone.

First resolve is the earliest faith—the purest wish, the truest self. It does not only illuminate what lies before us; it spans across time like a lamp—lighting oneself, and lighting the world; lighting those of today, and those of long ago.

Worldly ties are the bindings of the human realm: affection, fame, profit, and attachment. When the ties are spent, when one has truly awakened, one may brush the sleeves and depart with calm ease—not to leave the world, but to leave attachment; not to become cold and heartless, but to see through and no longer be trapped.

“Ten directions” is a Buddhist term for the infinite reaches of the universe; “in full splendour” is the flourishing of all forms, the full splendour of all phenomena. Yet in time, all attachment return to stillness: even the most magnificent beauty is only a passage; in the end, it settles into silence—into emptiness.

壮志付流年

旭阳东升凌云驹，
壮志付流年。
青天万里意纵横，
晓光抚山川。
艳日过时，几度堪回首。
余晖西沉，新生又一朝。

漂泊四洲铭山河，
鸿鹄经岁月。
沧海千辛一舟渡，
初心照古今。
尘缘了时，从容拂袖去。
十方繁花，执念终归寂。

c.h.e.f andy

=======================

published 2.2.2026

壮志付流年 Aspirations Entrusted to Passing Years

The sun rises in the east — a divine steed galloping atop the clouds;
Aspirations entrusted to the passing years.
Under ten thousand miles of blue sky, the will rides free;
Morning light caresses mountains and rivers.
Even the most splendid blaze must pass— how many times can one look back?
Afterglow sinks in the west, yet the world keeps renewing itself —reborn, dawn after dawn.

Though wandering the four continents, I engrave the mountains and rivers of my homeland in my heart.
A great roc’s lofty ambition journeys through the years.
Across bitter seas, a lone boat sails through a thousand hardships;
My first resolve shines — through past and present.
When worldly ties are done, I brush my sleeves and leave with ease;
Ten directions in full splendour — yet in time, all attachment returns to stillness.

家常四画

银杏金扇飘洒，
瘦西风。
斜阳闪烁枝梢，
晚来同。
归人紧衣急步，
影匆匆。

热肴吊引空腹，
饭香盈室。
家人围坐餐桌，
嚼声笑语。
小康温饱共度，
暖屋欢馨。

夜静晴空皓月，
栏前茶韵。
稚儿眠香入梦，
眉眼含笑。
夫妻相视无言，
共守明晨。

晨曦透窗轻唤，
邻里苏醒。
梳洗整妆早膳，
日渐忙。
轻快携梦出门，
又一天。

c.h.e.f andy

==================

published on 31.1.2026

家常四画 Four Homely Pictures

Ginkgo fans of gold drift,
a lean west wind chills.
Sunlight flickers through the treetops,
evening comes along.
Homebound folk tighten coats, quicken steps,
shadows hurry past.

Hot dishes tempt empty stomachs,
aroma fills the room.
Family gathers round the table,
chewing and laughter blend;
warm meals, modest living shared,
with cozy pleasure.

The clear, still night beneath a bright moon,
tea fragrance by the railing.
Children drift into sweet slumber,
eyes and brows smile gently.
Couples gaze in silent accord,
together guarding the new dawn.

Morning light streams through the window,
neighbors stir awake.
Washing, dressing, early breakfast,
the day begins in earnest.
Steps carry dreams into the world,
another day unfolds.

复归本相

曾几何时，
世界丢了纯白。
人像糊了边界，
线条错了曲直，
灯红叠出重像，
红尘铺了黄沙。

习久亦常，
有色渗入意识。
眼睛抹进了沙，
叙事混淆视听，
层层虚掩，
眼看不透本相。

云游长空，晚霞依旧，
夕阳西下、又见黄昏。
山苍树老，花飘水流，
星辰慢舞，日月轮回。
真假虚实，
人世仍然多姿。

失真的后真相社会；
事实被反复改写，
成了新的常态。

只要你愿意
换上良知的晶状体，
世界将复归
无动的雪白。

c.h.e.f andy

注笔：

1 前日做了白内障手术，眼前一片雪亮，轮廓、线条、数字、灯光清晰，没有重像；之前的世界像披上一层黄沙。

2 “灯红”喻灯红酒绿，也呼应下一句的“红尘”。

3 第二段通过白内障手术前的视觉影像，映射世间真假、是非掩盖事实本相。

4 第三段说自然和人世仍多姿多彩，任人弄虚作假，本相依旧。

5 结尾段以白内障手术复明后看到的纯白喻意：只要换上良知的晶状体，便能复归看到不被真假扰动的雪白本相。

=========================

published on 28.1.2026

复归本相 Return to the True Face

Since when
had the world lost its pure white?
People’s outlines blurred at the edges,
lines twisted from straight to bent,
neon lights overlapped into double images,
and the mortal world lay shrouded in yellow sands.

Over time, it became habitual,
colored notions seeped into consciousness.
Sand in the eyes,
narratives veil what we see and hear，
layer upon layer,
truth was veiled from sight.

Clouds drift across the vast sky, the evening glow persists,
the sun sets in the west, and dusk returns again.
Mountains gray with age, trees grown old, flowers drifting on flowing water,
stars dance slowly, the sun and moon revolve.
True and false, real and unreal,
yet human life remains rich and full of color.

In this distorted post-truth world,
facts are rewritten again and again,
becoming the new normal.

As long as you are willing
to swap in the lens of conscience,
the world returns
to pristine white—unchanged by how we see it.

Notes

1. Recently, I had cataract surgery. The world before my eyes became brilliantly clear—contours, lines, numbers, and lights all sharp, with no double images; before, the world seemed shrouded in yellow sand.
2. “Neon lights” symbolize the glittering, decadent urban life, also echoing “the mortal world.”
3. The second stanza reflects the pre-surgery vision, symbolizing how truths and falsehoods in the world can obscure reality.
4. The third stanza emphasizes that nature and human life remain vibrant and colorful; even if people distort reality, the true nature persists.
5. The final stanza uses the post-surgery restored vision of pure white as a metaphor: by “replacing with a lens of conscience,” one can return to perceiving the immutable, pristine true nature, unaffected by truths or falsehoods.

光的陪伴

你
予我七彩斑斓的世界

初探云隙的旭阳，
蔚蓝的天际，
浩瀚的大地，

庄伟的海与山，
华丽的河川湖泊，
神秘的森林与幽谷，

锦绣彩虹，
醉人晚霞，
难舍的夕阳。

你
赠我一生的察学知悟

光的孕育，
雨的滋润，
生长与凋谢，
日夜更迭，四季循环。

日月星辰的运转，
大自然万物生息、宇宙万象，
人生的缘分际遇，
夜空的心语与梦想。

没有你，
我看不到——

天的辽阔，
日月的光柔，
风云的变幻，
花的待放，
鸟的自由，
家人的关爱，
生活的温暖。

我的世界将是——
黑漆漆，
暗昏昏，
死沉沉。

如今，
你已经付出了一切，
丝尽泪干，
到了休息、更换的时刻。

庆幸，
只需一个新的镜子，
让世界再次映入，
你就会继续伴我余生——

我的眼睛。

c.h.e.f andy

注笔：

化用唐代李商隐
“春蚕到死丝方尽/蜡炬成灰泪始干”，
以喻那丝丝缕缕的耗尽，心力流尽干枯，
一生的观看，长久的劳作，默默的奉献，
直到使命完成，终于迎来休息与更新的时刻。

======================

published on 20.1.2026

光的陪伴 The Company of Light

You
gift me a world of radiant colors

The sun peeping through the clouds,
the vast, azure skies,
the boundless earth.

Majestic seas and mountains,
resplendent rivers and lakes,
mysterious forests and hidden valleys.

Brocade of rainbows,
mesmerising evening glow,
longing for the setting sun

You
grant me a lifetime of seeing, knowing, and insight.

life-giving light，
the nourishing rain,
growth and decay,
the turning of day and night, the cycle of seasons.

The movements of sun, moon, and stars,
the life of all things in nature, the myriad forms of the universe,
the encounters and destinies of life,
the heart’s whispers and dreams in the night sky.

Without you,
I cannot see——

The vast heavens,
the sun’s brilliance and moon’s gentle glow,
the everchanging, ever-shifting clouds and winds,
flowers poised to bloom,
birds soaring free,
the love of family,
the warmth of life.

My world would be——
pitch-dark,
dim and shadowed,
heavy with stillness.

Now,
you have given all,
your last threads spent, your tears run dry,
it is time for rest and renewal.

Fortunately,
a new lens is all that is needed,
for the world to shine through once more,
and you will continue to be with me for the rest of my life——

my eyes.

Literary Note:

Drawing on Tang dynasty poet Li Shangyin’s lines,
“The spring silkworm spins silk until death;
the candle burns to ash before its tears run dry,”
this evokes the gradual exhaustion of countless threads,
the draining of inner strength,
a lifetime of seeing, long years of labor, quiet dedication,
until the calling is fulfilled,
and at last comes the moment of rest and renewal.